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When My Friends Come Over And My Mom Tries To Be Funny

sodamnrelatable:

Friends:

Me:

(Source: epic-izzy)

20,705 notes | 3 weeks ago

if this picture of me gets 14 million notes ill do a thing

14,500,166 notes | 4 weeks ago

324495

114091

hikatey:

trust:

perfect

Ily Selena

61744

imnotarealfuckingpirate:

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury’s. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury’s…
Dear Mrs. Harris,Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our videosurveillance cameras”:1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an officialvoice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he begancrying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
Emergency Medics were called.9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudlyhumming the ’ Mission Impossible’ theme.11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsedthrough, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’14. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.And last, but not least:15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waitedawhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’
One of the Staff passed out.

OMFG I AM SCREAMING.

When you're in a public bathroom and you notice someone didn't wash their hands:

(Source: neyopets)

32,053 notes | 1 month ago

Roses are red

Violets are blue

(Source: poopflow)

106,415 notes | 1 month ago

150135

catbountry:

Grand Theft Auto: Hawaii

People who say ”New Year, New Me.”

(Source: kate-maras)

29,907 notes | 1 month ago

It’s funny when someone posts their life on Facebook for everybody to see, but then get mad at people for “getting in their business”

(Source: gummychocolates)

7,027 notes | 1 month ago

mom: oh good you’re up, now i just need you to—

(Source: witneyhouston)

22,650 notes | 1 month ago

“if you don’t have this on your blog I will judge you”

(Source: chugokuu)

24,665 notes | 1 month ago

"Reuniting with a childhood best-friend"

11,726 notes | 1 month ago

when your friends think your siblings are nice…

(Source: rockindzee)

96,993 notes | 1 month ago

When you, on occasion, hear a song and realize it’s a song you’ve been trying to find for months or years

(Source: nemesismess)

78,809 notes | 1 month ago